Befriending Bitter Betty – A Leadership Imperative
By Michelle LaBrosse, PMP
Befriending Bitter Betty unshackles the heavy weight of bitterness.
Instead of disdainfully dismissing troubling emotional responses to challenging circumstances (mine or others) – I am embracing inner turmoil that sometimes bubbles up to the surface.
During the holidays, it’s easy to get caught up in habituated responses to family dynamics with archetypal response patterns (AKA “the same old same old”). Being an overachiever, who likes to get things done, I often find myself reluctantly taking over the execution of family events. I can calendar the predictable martyr back draft during the post party depression stage of the holiday bacchanal. Often I quickly sweep under the rug my “Bitter Betty” sentiments about how things played out, yet again. Vowing once more that I am “done” doing this. Even writing about this is funny.
This year, I decided to befriend my champagne problem of “Bitter Betty” and something interesting happened. Instead of feeling once again like an under appreciated doormat (like yuck, who wants to wear that victim mantle), I decided to take a page out of the Taylor Swift play book and make up funny alliterations about my malaise.
Bitter Betty Boob is Bothered by her Brood’s Bacchanal.
Bitter Betty, Bitter Betty, Bitter Betty
Brooding Bothers Bitter Betty Boop
Bitter Betty, Bitter Betty, Bitter Betty
While certainly not on par with Tay Tay’s story telling catchiness, it’s easy to see why her songs are so cathartic. What emerged was a level of compassion towards this difficult feeling that helped me find my way to more peace and equanimity with my inner Bitter Betty.
Who among us hasn’t carried a grudge just a little longer than required, or made angry snap judgements without a full assessment of the situation (especially when stressed, hangry, or sleep deprived)? Granted, it’s difficult to find sustainable life satisfaction when being triggered, but for most successful professionals, this tumultuous part of us is reigned in the majority of the time. In other words its often more expedient to stuff those difficult emotions and easier to distance ourselves from others during their dark night of the soul. But is this really the best strategy? We all could use a good friend offering an appropriate level of compassionate understanding (doing this for ourselves is a good start). Compassion in the face of difficulties opens the door to discover healthier response “abilities.” Wallowing in a habituated petard of misery in response to life’s challenges is no one’s idea of a good time.
Befriending the difficult parts of our existence can develop more compassion for others behaving in challenging manners. Full acceptance of the wide range of human experiences creates more space to find innovative approaches to challenges. One of the many roles of leaders is to inspire others. Authentically acknowledging “yes I am hurting and no I’m not going to beat myself up for feeling this way,” offers a way to master sustainable compassionate coping mechanisms to difficulties (ours and others). Thank you “Bitter Betty Boop” for this fantastic life lesson.
Michelle LaBrosse is the Founder of Cheetah Learning and teaches classes on Accelerated Learning, Project Management, Leadership, Negotiations, and Effective Virtual Teams.
“The first thing my boss said when I told him I was interested in getting my PMP certification was that if I was going to do it, he’d heard Cheetah Learning was the best.”